


ask me what I want

by TabathaCreevey



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: M/M, wedding vows
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-03
Updated: 2020-12-03
Packaged: 2021-03-09 18:01:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 635
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27860438
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TabathaCreevey/pseuds/TabathaCreevey
Summary: It was nice. Cathartic. Euphoric. It was ridiculously simple and horrendously convoluted.  It reads like a poem but sounds like a joke.|| Atsumu has something to say.
Relationships: Miya Atsumu/Sakusa Kiyoomi
Comments: 2
Kudos: 42





	ask me what I want

It was on a summer evening of what felt decades ago that I realized I felt absolutely and irrefutably lonely. I decided not to question myself further, in fear of discovering it wasn’t only a feeling, and that I was, in fact, alone.

For the first time in my life I found myself stripped from all sense of security, usefulness, belonging. Samu said it was all bullshit my mind was coming up with; then again, he was living in a different city, chasing completely different dreams, there was no way he could’ve possibly known for sure what I was dealing with.

He had been right (on this particular occasion). I just had to focus on what was I in Osaka for, and forget about the details that had nothing to do with my athletic performance. It became easier that way, loneliness became bearable and the fact that I was not completely alone became visible. 

Outside from strictly volleyball related affairs, I tried not to ask for more than I was getting. For the first time in my life my greed put me on edge, knowing that somethings I wanted couldn’t be. But the truth is that I wanted so much more.

Everyone says I started giving myself away, dying to make others happy, as a coping mechanism. I’m not quite sure, I kinda felt numb at the time. Every step, every word, every reaction, every single little thing that I did came out of me as if rehearsed. I guess I might’ve memorized my way into nice, my way into likable. 

It wasn’t so bad. It definitely sucked, in a complex psychological way, but it was fine. Everyone found it comfortable, and it made everyone stick around. Or maybe they were worried and printed their presence onto my life to offer some relief. (It did, but I still needed more. I just couldn’t bring myself to ask).

(I needed to be asked back into life).

You said it was gratitude, I think that’s ridiculous since I have yet to give you the world. (You don’t deserve less). I like to imagine the fates had been waiting for the right moment to offer me freedom, in the shape of a man. 

_What do you need?_

Your question unplugged my ears and shook me to the core. I was awaken on an early spring afternoon, the soft sun entering through the window blinding me for a fraction of a second. 

_Atsumu, what do you want?_

I didn’t know. I had spent so long avoiding the part that wanted, longed, yearned. I didn’t answer that day. 

You see things through to the end, and I’m grateful for that. You helped me find the answer, and you drew it out of my mouth. 

It was nice. Cathartic. Euphoric. It was ridiculously simple and horrendously convoluted. It reads like a poem but sounds like a joke.

I wanted to need. I wanted to demand something just for me. I needed to desire to death, I needed to perish by the overwhelming feeling of a void in my chest. I needed to fall directly in the middle of the ocean where each breath would only make me more desperate for air. I need to feel.

It was easy after that. Once you’ve discovered something you ought to uncover much more. I’ve discovered that I need you. I’ve decided that I want you. 

So, Kiyoomi... I know this is an incredibly sappy speech, but this is also my wedding so I can do whatever the fuck I want. Anyways, I love you and you know that. What you don’t know is just how much I do. I won’t even try to put it into words, I know I can’t. That’s why, from this day forward, as your husband, I will show you.

**Author's Note:**

> skts is two fics away from entering the top 10 tags and I couldn’t help myself
> 
> You can find me on twitter as [@Ta__BS](https://twitter.com/Ta__BS)


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